Stats
Weight: 159
Holiday Weight Loss Plan
Yes, it's officially that time of year. I'll admit that around Halloween I usually throw healthy eating out the window and figure I'll worry about that in January when my holiday eating has caused me to gain 5 pounds and forced me into the standard shame spiral of cliched New Years resolutions.
Sorry, this isn't the part where I tell you that this holiday season, I'm going to lose weight. I'm a classic case of over-committing to things I can't finish, and I don't want to do that. It's not the way I'm going to be successful at getting back to my happy fitness place...or stay there for that matter.
So, my holiday weight loss plan? Don't gain. That's it. Just get through the holiday season of temptation and deliciousness without gaining. How am I going to do this? By adding my next habit into my repertoire: work out 5 days a week (that and try to keep things in check in those non-holiday situations...just because clients like to send us donuts every day in the month of December doesn't mean I should eat them).
Workout Tip
Want to work out more? I like starting small. Getting in to the habit of working out is a lot easier if the activities don't seem so intimidating. It's how I started training for a marathon and it's how I'm going to rehabilitate my knee. 20 minutes on the spin bike? Bring it!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
I will not gain one more pound!
Stats
Weight: 159
Waist: 36"
BMI: 28.2
Pant size: 12
Weeks since accident: 32
Weeks since ACL reconstructive surgery: 8
Marathon/accident weight: 145
Marathon size: 8/10
Goal weight: 130
Size: 6
Officially Starting Weight Loss Plan
Keeping weight off has always been a battle for me. I go through phases with working out and that definitely contributes, but it's my love for food that plays the biggest role in this struggle. I love food.
I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life. Ever. By more than 10 pounds. A year ago I was in shape. Not anywhere close to supermodel skinny, but I felt so good about the way I looked. The thought of turning 30 and being this out of shape makes me feel so depressed.
I'm making a promise to you and myself that I'm going to get back into the shape that I was in and I'm going to chronicle my journey here. I'm going to figure out a positive relationship with food. I'm not going to lie, I really don't want to start writing this in a blog until I can prove that I can lose some of the weight and until I can prove that I can do the writing at least once a week. But that's just a recipe for disaster...it's not enough accountability.
Emotional Tip
Know your motivation. What am I going to use to remind me that cookies are not my friend? For me it's: Looking good in a dress, being able to climb a 14er, running the BolderBoulder, feeling good about myself, and always thinking about new fitness challenges for myself.
Weight: 159
Waist: 36"
BMI: 28.2
Pant size: 12
Weeks since accident: 32
Weeks since ACL reconstructive surgery: 8
Marathon/accident weight: 145
Marathon size: 8/10
Goal weight: 130
Size: 6
Officially Starting Weight Loss Plan
Keeping weight off has always been a battle for me. I go through phases with working out and that definitely contributes, but it's my love for food that plays the biggest role in this struggle. I love food.
I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life. Ever. By more than 10 pounds. A year ago I was in shape. Not anywhere close to supermodel skinny, but I felt so good about the way I looked. The thought of turning 30 and being this out of shape makes me feel so depressed.
I'm making a promise to you and myself that I'm going to get back into the shape that I was in and I'm going to chronicle my journey here. I'm going to figure out a positive relationship with food. I'm not going to lie, I really don't want to start writing this in a blog until I can prove that I can lose some of the weight and until I can prove that I can do the writing at least once a week. But that's just a recipe for disaster...it's not enough accountability.
Emotional Tip
Know your motivation. What am I going to use to remind me that cookies are not my friend? For me it's: Looking good in a dress, being able to climb a 14er, running the BolderBoulder, feeling good about myself, and always thinking about new fitness challenges for myself.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
One cake at a time...
It might seem a bit bizarre for a health and fitness post to feature cake. And not just any cake, a truly divine cake filled with about as many calories as a cake can have. I'm not kidding. The frosting alone has three different ingredients that are full of fat. Cream cheese, butter, and heavy whipping cream...mmmm.
So where does this caloric wonder fit in to goals about health and well-being? I always seem to have grand ideas. Maybe you too have been guilty of this. You become fed up with food and (non)exercise decisions you've made and decide starting tomorrow you're going to change. Maybe your plan is well formed, but often it's a bit nebulous. Suddenly you're trying to swear off everything that is no good for you and become frustrated the minute you have a moment of weakness. And unfortunately, hunger significantly lowers your inhibitions. Those survival instincts kick in whether we need them to or not.
I'm not a big believer in following fad diets. I could never get behind following a system I couldn't see myself maintaining for the rest of my life. How can a person be expected to be healthy if they aren't teaching themselves good habits? And that's when it struck me (and not for the first time in my life)...habits. How can I realistically change my habits?
My eating habits have always, by far and away, been my biggest challenge. As someone who recently purchased her first home and spent the last 4 months training for a marathon, I definitely have felt some stress. I didn't focus on my eating too much because I just couldn't think about adding more to my plate. And in some ways the marathon training was a bit of a hinderance. All that running gave me a ton of confidence and sense of accomplishment, and because I was burning so many calories each week, I wasn't gaining any weight. I even lost some fat and picked up some muscle mass. That was all well and good...training to run an intense race. And who knows, maybe I'll do it again someday. But for now I'm trying to find stability and constancy. I'm trying to establish a routine in a new place. My running habits sloughed off out of necessity, but my eating habits continued...as in I continued to eat whatever I wanted. I noticed the fat coming right back again.
So, what was I going to do? Just try another extreme approach? I decided to opt for the other end of the spectrum. Change my habits, but work on just one at a time, one week at a time. And that was it. I decided to set just one exercise and one health goal each week.
The most detrimental habit for me always seems to be sugar. The minute I have some, I want more, and it changes the way I eat the whole day. I knew I couldn't just swear off sugar forever. That seemed completely unrealistic and frankly, made me feel a bit depressed. I needed this goal to have strict rules. So week 1 became "no desserts" with a few qualifiers. I was allowed a small amount of dark chocolate at home after dinner if I really wanted it and I could have one dessert a week. No processed sugar foods or drinks (I still let myself have my tea with honey, all natural granola, and breads with HFCS in it). That may seem like a lot of disclaimers to you, but I also knew if my rules were too limiting, I was inevitably setting myself up for failure. I wanted to change my habits gradually so it didn't feel so jarring and I wouldn't rebel against it.
But if I was allowed one dessert a week, by proxy if I made it to Saturday, my dessert was more like a reward and less like a moment of weakness. I suddenly realized if I was only going to have one dessert a week, it had better be special. No reaching for a Snickers bar out of desperation. I started researching recipes online until I had a moment of genius...google the recipe of my favorite cake, Spring Fling, which is made by this little Denver bakery. It's a white cake make with zucchini and covered with a cream cheese frosting and glazed fresh fruit. I love the internet. And cream cheese. And glazed fruit.
I spent a ridiculous amount of time of my Saturday on this project, buying the ingredients and making and assembling this thing. But it was so fun. Usually I enjoy baking but feel a little guilty that it will be sitting around the house. Not this time. The gorgeous confection was just as delicious as I'd hoped and over 3/4 of it are still sitting in my fridge.
The fate of the rest of the cake? Dessert tonight for a dinner party I'm throwing (I won't be partaking), a little leftovers in the fridge for Kyle, and the rest frozen into individually wrapped servings for me to enjoy for the next few Saturdays.
Week 1
Exercise Goal: Work out 4 times for at least 30 minutes each time
Health Goal: Only one dessert for the week
Week 2
Exercise Goal: Work out 4 times for at least 30 minutes each time
Health Goal: Only one dessert for the week, drink at least 80 oz of water a day + 8 oz for every 10 minutes of physical activity
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Bolder Endurance
For months I've been trying to get back into some semblance of decent shape. The true culmination of these winter and spring efforts always seems to be the BolderBoulder 10K, and this year was no exception.
Having this goal gave me a reason to get out of bed at 5:30 in the morning. Instead of sleepily thinking, "ugh, I don't want to work out," I would have a small sense of fear...I didn't want to let myself down. I'd signed up for the BolderBoulder and I didn't want to disappoint myself by not being ready.
As the day drew nearer, I realized that although I'd been working out about 6 days a week, my workouts were shockingly lacking in the running category. I just didn't feel like running...except when I had commitments to run with a friend.
My goal went from improving my time from last year to just running the whole thing without walking. Last year I was running 4 times a week for about six weeks before the race. This year I was cross training, running once a week at best.
Just a few days before the race, I could feel my immune system getting weaker. My memorial day weekend festivities did nothing to help the cold I could feel developing.
Race Day
I woke up feeling achey and stuffy headed. I hadn't slept well. I didn't enjoy getting up at 5:30. I vaguely thought about sunscreen but was too tired to care, and figured with our 7:45 start time, we'd be out of the heat and intensity of the sun fairly early. By 6:30 4 of us (Kyle, Kerry, Andrea, me) were piled in my car on our way up to Boulder. We hit some traffic on the way up, but nothing I didn't anticipate. We got to the park'n'ride not long after I'd expected. The bus left for the starting line with 45 minutes to go until our start time. The longest this ride had ever taken was 40 minutes. I knew it was cutting it a little close, but I wasn't too worried.
After we'd been on the bus for over an hour driving through busy traffic in a construction zone, it seemed like we were barely moving. We'd definitely missed our start time. I knew we'd be allowed to start in later waves, but I didn't want to sit on the bus and wait while it got hotter and hotter out. The four of us made a decision to get off and walk the 1.5 miles left to the start line. Just the walking was making me fatigued, and I hoped that my cold didn't get worse once I started running.
There were people everywhere. By the time we go to the start we were funneled in to a line of thousands and my adrenaline had kicked in. I didn't feel sick. I felt amazing. The gun went off and my friends took off. I kept it at an easy pace. I needed to keep up a run that I could maintain until the end.
As I wove my way through the first of the 6.2 miles, I remembered why I'd wanted to be in an earlier wave: it was getting hot out and people in this later wave were already stopping an walking. And I'm not judging. I think it's great that people do a 10K, no matter how they do it. But when you're constantly weaving around people just to keep up your pace because you come across solid walls of walkers, it gets a little tedious. I'd like to write a BolderBoulder etiquette manual. Walkers on one side, runners on the other. Even with all the dodging, though, every time I'd crest a hill, I'd feel excitement at how many people were running...50,000+
The first three miles seemed the hardest. Bands were playing, people where cheering along the way, spurring me on. Running through the neighborhoods always brought the added delight of slip-n-slides, baked goods, marshmallows being thrown, beer (as long as you had an ID), and water stations. Oh, and I can't forget the costumes. Despite the fact that the sun was beating down mercilessly, I saw 4 teenage mutant ninja turtles walking together, Thing 2 and Thing 3, people with felt dinosaur spikes sewn to their shirts, and a team all painted in green body paint.
After those first three miles, I began to wonder if I could really do this...keep running without walking. My cold seemed to have disappeared, but I was tired. My feet felt good, though, and I didn't have a cramp in sight. As I passed mile four, I summited the course high point. Running down that hill was a dream. Mile 5 seemed effortless (and I found out later was my second fastest mile) and mile 6...ugh mile 6. You turn the corner to run up Folsom, the street that leads to the stadium. Once you're on this road, you know it's all strait ahead. Just 2 more kilometers to go, you think. But you know what's at the end. The hill that rises up to put the football stadium at a pinnacle looking over the city. Runners bottleneck and you run on your toes to get up the hill. You're practically shoved into the stadium and you realize you're really there.
Slowly my speed increased. As I did the lap around the stadium, I reached out to high-five the outstretched hands of strangers. My speed had come to a full sprint as I rounded the corner and annihilated the finish line. I'd done it. I'd run the whole race without walking. And, as I found out later, I'd come in only 7 seconds behind Kerry, who'd taken off like a shot in the first mile.
My Results
Mile 1: 10:42
Mile 2: 11:27
Mile 3: 12:02
Mile 4: 11:46
Mile 5: 11:19
MIle 6: 11:56
Total Time: 1:11:27
My total time last year was 66 minutes. Yes, of course I'm a little disappointed that I wasn't able to implement the training necessary to do as good as last year. However, I'm also proud of the race I did run. I ran under 12 minute miles (I was training at about 12.5), I ran the whole way, and I did it with fairly consistent splits without any method of monitoring my speed (just my own internal rhythm). If that doesn't sound like a marathon runner...
The Aftereffects
Yes I badly sunburned my shoulders.
About two hours after I'd finished a fatigue set in so great that I knew my cold had not really left. I spend the next two days working only half days at work and spending the rest of the time in bed getting sleep and begging my cold to go away.
The biggest surprise? I'm not really sore at all. My ankles are still a little tired, but I'm putting it down to cross-training. Working out 6 days a week still means something :)
Having this goal gave me a reason to get out of bed at 5:30 in the morning. Instead of sleepily thinking, "ugh, I don't want to work out," I would have a small sense of fear...I didn't want to let myself down. I'd signed up for the BolderBoulder and I didn't want to disappoint myself by not being ready.
As the day drew nearer, I realized that although I'd been working out about 6 days a week, my workouts were shockingly lacking in the running category. I just didn't feel like running...except when I had commitments to run with a friend.
My goal went from improving my time from last year to just running the whole thing without walking. Last year I was running 4 times a week for about six weeks before the race. This year I was cross training, running once a week at best.
Just a few days before the race, I could feel my immune system getting weaker. My memorial day weekend festivities did nothing to help the cold I could feel developing.
Race Day
I woke up feeling achey and stuffy headed. I hadn't slept well. I didn't enjoy getting up at 5:30. I vaguely thought about sunscreen but was too tired to care, and figured with our 7:45 start time, we'd be out of the heat and intensity of the sun fairly early. By 6:30 4 of us (Kyle, Kerry, Andrea, me) were piled in my car on our way up to Boulder. We hit some traffic on the way up, but nothing I didn't anticipate. We got to the park'n'ride not long after I'd expected. The bus left for the starting line with 45 minutes to go until our start time. The longest this ride had ever taken was 40 minutes. I knew it was cutting it a little close, but I wasn't too worried.
After we'd been on the bus for over an hour driving through busy traffic in a construction zone, it seemed like we were barely moving. We'd definitely missed our start time. I knew we'd be allowed to start in later waves, but I didn't want to sit on the bus and wait while it got hotter and hotter out. The four of us made a decision to get off and walk the 1.5 miles left to the start line. Just the walking was making me fatigued, and I hoped that my cold didn't get worse once I started running.
There were people everywhere. By the time we go to the start we were funneled in to a line of thousands and my adrenaline had kicked in. I didn't feel sick. I felt amazing. The gun went off and my friends took off. I kept it at an easy pace. I needed to keep up a run that I could maintain until the end.
As I wove my way through the first of the 6.2 miles, I remembered why I'd wanted to be in an earlier wave: it was getting hot out and people in this later wave were already stopping an walking. And I'm not judging. I think it's great that people do a 10K, no matter how they do it. But when you're constantly weaving around people just to keep up your pace because you come across solid walls of walkers, it gets a little tedious. I'd like to write a BolderBoulder etiquette manual. Walkers on one side, runners on the other. Even with all the dodging, though, every time I'd crest a hill, I'd feel excitement at how many people were running...50,000+
The first three miles seemed the hardest. Bands were playing, people where cheering along the way, spurring me on. Running through the neighborhoods always brought the added delight of slip-n-slides, baked goods, marshmallows being thrown, beer (as long as you had an ID), and water stations. Oh, and I can't forget the costumes. Despite the fact that the sun was beating down mercilessly, I saw 4 teenage mutant ninja turtles walking together, Thing 2 and Thing 3, people with felt dinosaur spikes sewn to their shirts, and a team all painted in green body paint.
After those first three miles, I began to wonder if I could really do this...keep running without walking. My cold seemed to have disappeared, but I was tired. My feet felt good, though, and I didn't have a cramp in sight. As I passed mile four, I summited the course high point. Running down that hill was a dream. Mile 5 seemed effortless (and I found out later was my second fastest mile) and mile 6...ugh mile 6. You turn the corner to run up Folsom, the street that leads to the stadium. Once you're on this road, you know it's all strait ahead. Just 2 more kilometers to go, you think. But you know what's at the end. The hill that rises up to put the football stadium at a pinnacle looking over the city. Runners bottleneck and you run on your toes to get up the hill. You're practically shoved into the stadium and you realize you're really there.
Slowly my speed increased. As I did the lap around the stadium, I reached out to high-five the outstretched hands of strangers. My speed had come to a full sprint as I rounded the corner and annihilated the finish line. I'd done it. I'd run the whole race without walking. And, as I found out later, I'd come in only 7 seconds behind Kerry, who'd taken off like a shot in the first mile.
My Results
Mile 1: 10:42
Mile 2: 11:27
Mile 3: 12:02
Mile 4: 11:46
Mile 5: 11:19
MIle 6: 11:56
Total Time: 1:11:27
My total time last year was 66 minutes. Yes, of course I'm a little disappointed that I wasn't able to implement the training necessary to do as good as last year. However, I'm also proud of the race I did run. I ran under 12 minute miles (I was training at about 12.5), I ran the whole way, and I did it with fairly consistent splits without any method of monitoring my speed (just my own internal rhythm). If that doesn't sound like a marathon runner...
The Aftereffects
Yes I badly sunburned my shoulders.
About two hours after I'd finished a fatigue set in so great that I knew my cold had not really left. I spend the next two days working only half days at work and spending the rest of the time in bed getting sleep and begging my cold to go away.
The biggest surprise? I'm not really sore at all. My ankles are still a little tired, but I'm putting it down to cross-training. Working out 6 days a week still means something :)
Saturday, May 22, 2010
I need goals!
Why am I working out? Why am I trying to eat better? Turns out there are a lot of answers to these questions. For my overall health, to get into shape to do more activities this summer, to lose weight, to feel better throughout the day...I could go on. Sometimes, though, I feel like these goals are great, but they aren't concrete enough. For myself, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, it's especially important to have fitness goals. I need to understand why I'm doing something in order to understand if it's even the right goal.
My first goal this season was to get in shape to run the BolderBoulder, a 10K run on Memorial Day. I feel ready for this run, although I might not have quite as fast of a time as I'd hope (I was hoping to beat last year's time of 66 minutes). I've modified my goal to complete the entire race at a running/jogging pace. No walking! Click to check out pictures of me running this two years ago.
That was the first goal, but the other, much more daunting goals, are hiking 14ers this summer. I did this last summer and it is...amazing. Hard, yes. You're hiking 6-12 hours in one day and for a chunk of that time you're over 13,000 feet above sea level. There is just something different about that elevation. Dizzyness, lightheaded, headaches...this can all happen if you're not prepared (and sometimes even if you are). My co-worker has planned 4 of these hikes this summer and I'd like to go on all of them. So...that's a goal.
But I'm not really telling you the whole story. The third of these hikes is actually a week-long trip in August with 5 days of solid hiking during which we'll climb 3 14ers. Yes, 3. And 5 days of hiking. The type of shape that I need to be in to accomplish a hike like this...boggles my mind. But I really wanted to do it.
I started thinking about how rigorous my workout regimen needed to become in order to be ready. I'd be doing intensive training...and a lot of it. What else is something people train intensively for? I can think of a few things, but one of the most obvious answers came to me with a surge of excitement (which may have actually been insanity): a marathon. How do I get in shape to do these hikes? I start training for a marathon at the same time. Yes, I'm nervous. But I'm not more nervous about the marathon than 5 days of hiking.
So I started looking for marathons. I didn't want to do one in the summer because of my extreme sensitivity to heat (we're talking about someone who's fainted from heat exhaustion twice...and not while working out...the heat just isn't kind to my sensitive system) so it seemed like perfection when I learned that Denver is joining the Rock'n'Roll marathon series this year for the October Denver Marathon. October. Yes! October is perfect for running 5+ hours. And it comes about 1 month after the last 14er hike, so have something to keep me motivated until then at least.
I had my marathon. Now I needed a plan. I went online and found a few marathon training plans. I read. I anticipate reading more. But most of the plans I found outlined a 16 week schedule, which would mean my training would start the last week of June. Perfect. I've done all my pre-training getting ready for the BolderBoulder. That gives me another month to switch some of my cardio more towards running!
Having this as my goal is making me feel inspired again. I want to run the marathon for the sense of accomplishment, because it will help me accomplish other fitness goals. Now suddenly even my eating is more involved. The better I eat, the better I'm preparing my body, fueling it properly. Shedding off some weight to make the running and hiking easier on my body.
So, my question to you: what is your goal? I doubt it's a marathon. I'm crazy. But think about it. Finishing a race imbues me with a huge sense of accomplishment (no matter how long or short). So does hiking a mountain. What feels like an accomplishment to you?
My first goal this season was to get in shape to run the BolderBoulder, a 10K run on Memorial Day. I feel ready for this run, although I might not have quite as fast of a time as I'd hope (I was hoping to beat last year's time of 66 minutes). I've modified my goal to complete the entire race at a running/jogging pace. No walking! Click to check out pictures of me running this two years ago.
That was the first goal, but the other, much more daunting goals, are hiking 14ers this summer. I did this last summer and it is...amazing. Hard, yes. You're hiking 6-12 hours in one day and for a chunk of that time you're over 13,000 feet above sea level. There is just something different about that elevation. Dizzyness, lightheaded, headaches...this can all happen if you're not prepared (and sometimes even if you are). My co-worker has planned 4 of these hikes this summer and I'd like to go on all of them. So...that's a goal.
But I'm not really telling you the whole story. The third of these hikes is actually a week-long trip in August with 5 days of solid hiking during which we'll climb 3 14ers. Yes, 3. And 5 days of hiking. The type of shape that I need to be in to accomplish a hike like this...boggles my mind. But I really wanted to do it.
I started thinking about how rigorous my workout regimen needed to become in order to be ready. I'd be doing intensive training...and a lot of it. What else is something people train intensively for? I can think of a few things, but one of the most obvious answers came to me with a surge of excitement (which may have actually been insanity): a marathon. How do I get in shape to do these hikes? I start training for a marathon at the same time. Yes, I'm nervous. But I'm not more nervous about the marathon than 5 days of hiking.
So I started looking for marathons. I didn't want to do one in the summer because of my extreme sensitivity to heat (we're talking about someone who's fainted from heat exhaustion twice...and not while working out...the heat just isn't kind to my sensitive system) so it seemed like perfection when I learned that Denver is joining the Rock'n'Roll marathon series this year for the October Denver Marathon. October. Yes! October is perfect for running 5+ hours. And it comes about 1 month after the last 14er hike, so have something to keep me motivated until then at least.
I had my marathon. Now I needed a plan. I went online and found a few marathon training plans. I read. I anticipate reading more. But most of the plans I found outlined a 16 week schedule, which would mean my training would start the last week of June. Perfect. I've done all my pre-training getting ready for the BolderBoulder. That gives me another month to switch some of my cardio more towards running!
Having this as my goal is making me feel inspired again. I want to run the marathon for the sense of accomplishment, because it will help me accomplish other fitness goals. Now suddenly even my eating is more involved. The better I eat, the better I'm preparing my body, fueling it properly. Shedding off some weight to make the running and hiking easier on my body.
So, my question to you: what is your goal? I doubt it's a marathon. I'm crazy. But think about it. Finishing a race imbues me with a huge sense of accomplishment (no matter how long or short). So does hiking a mountain. What feels like an accomplishment to you?
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
We all fall off the wagon...
Update
First of all, I want to assure you that I have no intention of quitting this blog, that I have not given up on it, that I have not decided a quest for a healthy and balanced life is moronic.
That having been said, please be patient with me. This journey is still new to me and writing about it even newer. A couple months ago I became slammed with work (hey it happens to us all). I was getting up at the crack of dawn, no longer to work out, but to get in early to work on a project. I barely had time to think about food and when hunger pains got to be too much, I’d just throw whatever was convenient in my mouth.
NOT the way I would have liked to handle the situation. But that’s part of this journey. I don’t yet know how to handle (healthily) a situation like that when it comes to food and exercise. I haven’t figured out that part of the equation.
I think the worst part of this whole chaos…getting work back to a comfortable rhythm and still being unable to get back into the good habits I’d so desperately tried to build. I wasn’t working out every day (I was lucky if I was doing it three times a week) and fruits and vegetables? I don’t think I’ve seen so much processed food touch my lips in a long time.
I’d try to be good and focused, but by the time mid-day rolled around, I was grabbing what ever I wanted, and because I’d already failed myself for the day, I thought, eh, might as well just call the day a wash. I can’t tell you how many wash days I had. I’m ashamed.
Some of you may feel I’m being too hard on myself, or think, no, just because you took a wrong turn during the day does not mean you have to go off the deep end. And you would be right. I know it doesn’t have to be like that. I know it in my rational mind. But we’re talking about someone who loves food. Who’s used food as a crutch in her life. Who actually bounces up and down with glee the moment before she takes a bite of ice cream. I’m a very excitable person and it’s going to take a lot of effort, research, thought, and trial and error to reach that moment where I can find a balance.
So no, I’m not giving up. I’m trying to accept that I’m human and that it happens to the best of us. What I don’t want is to continue down a shame spiral so deep that by the time I come out of it, I’ve sunk much farther than when I started. So this is me…forgiving myself. It’s okay that you’re not perfect. I just want to try to do my best.
Goal for the week: Quit Caffeine
So, going back to my goals. I’ve managed to knock some sense into me (with the help of a few very dear friends) and am back to working out almost every day and eating healthier (most days). I know this is a mountain and I can’t conquer it all at once.
So, my step this week is to quit caffeine. I’ve done this numerous times before and usually get re-addicted when work gets hectic. However, I hate being a caffeine addict. Many of you out there may not have the same feelings. You may love caffeine. And in a way, of course I do. But mostly I hate it. I hate that I have to have this drug every day or else I’ll feel groggy, lethargic, and eventually headache-y. I wake up in the mornings and it is exponentially harder to get up if I’m an addict. If I drink it for long enough, I usually develop insomnia. If I’m drinking sugary caffeine I get a sugar crash. If I’m drinking artificial sweetener caffeine, I crave sugar more because my body doesn’t like being tricked like that. I could go on, but a wonderful friend of mine (who is also a personal trainer) has a lot more (and much more well-informed I might add) to say on the topic and advice on how to quit.
First of all, I want to assure you that I have no intention of quitting this blog, that I have not given up on it, that I have not decided a quest for a healthy and balanced life is moronic.
That having been said, please be patient with me. This journey is still new to me and writing about it even newer. A couple months ago I became slammed with work (hey it happens to us all). I was getting up at the crack of dawn, no longer to work out, but to get in early to work on a project. I barely had time to think about food and when hunger pains got to be too much, I’d just throw whatever was convenient in my mouth.
NOT the way I would have liked to handle the situation. But that’s part of this journey. I don’t yet know how to handle (healthily) a situation like that when it comes to food and exercise. I haven’t figured out that part of the equation.
I think the worst part of this whole chaos…getting work back to a comfortable rhythm and still being unable to get back into the good habits I’d so desperately tried to build. I wasn’t working out every day (I was lucky if I was doing it three times a week) and fruits and vegetables? I don’t think I’ve seen so much processed food touch my lips in a long time.
I’d try to be good and focused, but by the time mid-day rolled around, I was grabbing what ever I wanted, and because I’d already failed myself for the day, I thought, eh, might as well just call the day a wash. I can’t tell you how many wash days I had. I’m ashamed.
Some of you may feel I’m being too hard on myself, or think, no, just because you took a wrong turn during the day does not mean you have to go off the deep end. And you would be right. I know it doesn’t have to be like that. I know it in my rational mind. But we’re talking about someone who loves food. Who’s used food as a crutch in her life. Who actually bounces up and down with glee the moment before she takes a bite of ice cream. I’m a very excitable person and it’s going to take a lot of effort, research, thought, and trial and error to reach that moment where I can find a balance.
So no, I’m not giving up. I’m trying to accept that I’m human and that it happens to the best of us. What I don’t want is to continue down a shame spiral so deep that by the time I come out of it, I’ve sunk much farther than when I started. So this is me…forgiving myself. It’s okay that you’re not perfect. I just want to try to do my best.
Goal for the week: Quit Caffeine
So, going back to my goals. I’ve managed to knock some sense into me (with the help of a few very dear friends) and am back to working out almost every day and eating healthier (most days). I know this is a mountain and I can’t conquer it all at once.
So, my step this week is to quit caffeine. I’ve done this numerous times before and usually get re-addicted when work gets hectic. However, I hate being a caffeine addict. Many of you out there may not have the same feelings. You may love caffeine. And in a way, of course I do. But mostly I hate it. I hate that I have to have this drug every day or else I’ll feel groggy, lethargic, and eventually headache-y. I wake up in the mornings and it is exponentially harder to get up if I’m an addict. If I drink it for long enough, I usually develop insomnia. If I’m drinking sugary caffeine I get a sugar crash. If I’m drinking artificial sweetener caffeine, I crave sugar more because my body doesn’t like being tricked like that. I could go on, but a wonderful friend of mine (who is also a personal trainer) has a lot more (and much more well-informed I might add) to say on the topic and advice on how to quit.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Heifers, The Snack Place, and Proof at Last
Don't Keep it to Yourself
I feel like such a heifer. I had two bowls of Special K, 3 pieces of turkey bacon, a handful of popcorn, 5 peanut butter M&M's and like 3 pieces of licorice.
This immortal quote (spoken so eloquently by Alicia Silverstone as Cher in Clueless) has stayed with me through the years for it's brilliant poignancy. You may laugh and think I'm joking (and I might be just a little), but for the most part I'm serious. What is so special about this quote, about this moment captured in cinema?
How many of you have every downloaded your calories, your meals, your health to a close confidant? In a gush of shame word vomit, we spew the horrors of what we just ate onto another person in an attempt to dispel some of our guilt. We like to communicate our frustrations, we want consolation, we want to get encouragement to do better.
Update on My Progress
Where I last left off I was trying to escape the claws of sugar addiction and had started down a new path: eating protein with breakfast (in an attempt to curb cravings throughout the day) and keep a food journal. I'm not successful every day, but I'm working on it and getting better. And in a way this blog is the ultimate food journal. I get to take my simple daily observations and try to find patterns in my health and fitness.
The food journal is, I think, the most revolutionary part of a health and fitness plan. Because no matter what you choose to do, it's important to listen to what your body is telling you. We're all different and I've found it so helpful to write about it.
Today I ate healthy for the entire day. I made smart choices and felt positive all day. Many fruits and vegetables passed these lips. Some days I try to eat healthy and I end up feeling depressed, as though I was depriving myself. I tried very hard not to let that happen today. Everything I ate was tasty and delicious. It defeats the purpose if I don't enjoy what I'm eating. I know one day does not a global change make, but I can't tell you how long it's been since I've had a day that was this food savvy.
The biggest key to today? Not letting myself get too hungry. I found an interesting nugget in my sugar detox book that I'd like to share...it makes perfect sense. When we get hungry and our serotonin levels are low, we lose impulse control (well some of us). Have you ever eaten something and truly felt like you we're in control of the situation? You're in a daze and suddenly eating (and you don't care how unhealthy it is) takes over. Not everyone understands this, but I know some of you out there suffer from this problem. It's best to get something in your belly before you get to that point. As my co-workers say, don't go to the snack place. It's a dark place.
The Proof is in the Skiing
I'd like to leave you with something that inspired me, proof of a some true success, no matter how small. I've found that if I have evidence of my success, it helps keep me motivated. No, it hasn't been on the scale.
For two months now I've been working out 5-7 days a week. At the beginning of this year, I went skiing for the first time of the season with my friend Shaw. He, unlike me, has been skiing most of his life and it comes very easily to him. He's fast. I, on the other hand, am a much more cautious skier. I don't like barreling down the slope as fast as I can because 1) I have no control of what's going on at that speed and 2) I actually enjoy making turns. I love turns. I love the challenge of skiing with turns. However, as you might imagine, this slower pace tends to require more muscle control. I remember with perfect clarity this first ski trip of the year. Shaw'd ski on ahead and wait for me. When I'd catch up, he'd be ready to go...I'd shake my head in despair, my breathing labored, my tongue practically hanging out. My thighs felt like they were on fire. By the end of the half day, I was exhausted and practically comatose.
Fast forward to last weekend. Shaw and I took another trip up to the mountains for a half day of skiing and on not ONE of my runs down the mountain did I have to stop. Not one. And I barely felt the burn in my thighs. Well I could at least power through it. And at the end of the day as I packed all my gear back into my Forester, I felt a little glow in my heart. Joy, pride, accomplishment. The first hour of our ride home I chatted Shaw's ear off, riding the wave of my endorphin high.
I feel like such a heifer. I had two bowls of Special K, 3 pieces of turkey bacon, a handful of popcorn, 5 peanut butter M&M's and like 3 pieces of licorice.
This immortal quote (spoken so eloquently by Alicia Silverstone as Cher in Clueless) has stayed with me through the years for it's brilliant poignancy. You may laugh and think I'm joking (and I might be just a little), but for the most part I'm serious. What is so special about this quote, about this moment captured in cinema?
How many of you have every downloaded your calories, your meals, your health to a close confidant? In a gush of shame word vomit, we spew the horrors of what we just ate onto another person in an attempt to dispel some of our guilt. We like to communicate our frustrations, we want consolation, we want to get encouragement to do better.
Update on My Progress
Where I last left off I was trying to escape the claws of sugar addiction and had started down a new path: eating protein with breakfast (in an attempt to curb cravings throughout the day) and keep a food journal. I'm not successful every day, but I'm working on it and getting better. And in a way this blog is the ultimate food journal. I get to take my simple daily observations and try to find patterns in my health and fitness.
The food journal is, I think, the most revolutionary part of a health and fitness plan. Because no matter what you choose to do, it's important to listen to what your body is telling you. We're all different and I've found it so helpful to write about it.
Today I ate healthy for the entire day. I made smart choices and felt positive all day. Many fruits and vegetables passed these lips. Some days I try to eat healthy and I end up feeling depressed, as though I was depriving myself. I tried very hard not to let that happen today. Everything I ate was tasty and delicious. It defeats the purpose if I don't enjoy what I'm eating. I know one day does not a global change make, but I can't tell you how long it's been since I've had a day that was this food savvy.
The biggest key to today? Not letting myself get too hungry. I found an interesting nugget in my sugar detox book that I'd like to share...it makes perfect sense. When we get hungry and our serotonin levels are low, we lose impulse control (well some of us). Have you ever eaten something and truly felt like you we're in control of the situation? You're in a daze and suddenly eating (and you don't care how unhealthy it is) takes over. Not everyone understands this, but I know some of you out there suffer from this problem. It's best to get something in your belly before you get to that point. As my co-workers say, don't go to the snack place. It's a dark place.
The Proof is in the Skiing
I'd like to leave you with something that inspired me, proof of a some true success, no matter how small. I've found that if I have evidence of my success, it helps keep me motivated. No, it hasn't been on the scale.
For two months now I've been working out 5-7 days a week. At the beginning of this year, I went skiing for the first time of the season with my friend Shaw. He, unlike me, has been skiing most of his life and it comes very easily to him. He's fast. I, on the other hand, am a much more cautious skier. I don't like barreling down the slope as fast as I can because 1) I have no control of what's going on at that speed and 2) I actually enjoy making turns. I love turns. I love the challenge of skiing with turns. However, as you might imagine, this slower pace tends to require more muscle control. I remember with perfect clarity this first ski trip of the year. Shaw'd ski on ahead and wait for me. When I'd catch up, he'd be ready to go...I'd shake my head in despair, my breathing labored, my tongue practically hanging out. My thighs felt like they were on fire. By the end of the half day, I was exhausted and practically comatose.
Fast forward to last weekend. Shaw and I took another trip up to the mountains for a half day of skiing and on not ONE of my runs down the mountain did I have to stop. Not one. And I barely felt the burn in my thighs. Well I could at least power through it. And at the end of the day as I packed all my gear back into my Forester, I felt a little glow in my heart. Joy, pride, accomplishment. The first hour of our ride home I chatted Shaw's ear off, riding the wave of my endorphin high.
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