One cake at a time...

It might seem a bit bizarre for a health and fitness post to feature cake. And not just any cake, a truly divine cake filled with about as many calories as a cake can have. I'm not kidding. The frosting alone has three different ingredients that are full of fat. Cream cheese, butter, and heavy whipping cream...mmmm.

So where does this caloric wonder fit in to goals about health and well-being? I always seem to have grand ideas. Maybe you too have been guilty of this. You become fed up with food and (non)exercise decisions you've made and decide starting tomorrow you're going to change. Maybe your plan is well formed, but often it's a bit nebulous. Suddenly you're trying to swear off everything that is no good for you and become frustrated the minute you have a moment of weakness. And unfortunately, hunger significantly lowers your inhibitions. Those survival instincts kick in whether we need them to or not.

I'm not a big believer in following fad diets. I could never get behind following a system I couldn't see myself maintaining for the rest of my life. How can a person be expected to be healthy if they aren't teaching themselves good habits? And that's when it struck me (and not for the first time in my life)...habits. How can I realistically change my habits?

My eating habits have always, by far and away, been my biggest challenge. As someone who recently purchased her first home and spent the last 4 months training for a marathon, I definitely have felt some stress. I didn't focus on my eating too much because I just couldn't think about adding more to my plate. And in some ways the marathon training was a bit of a hinderance. All that running gave me a ton of confidence and sense of accomplishment, and because I was burning so many calories each week, I wasn't gaining any weight. I even lost some fat and picked up some muscle mass. That was all well and good...training to run an intense race. And who knows, maybe I'll do it again someday. But for now I'm trying to find stability and constancy. I'm trying to establish a routine in a new place. My running habits sloughed off out of necessity, but my eating habits continued...as in I continued to eat whatever I wanted. I noticed the fat coming right back again.

So, what was I going to do? Just try another extreme approach? I decided to opt for the other end of the spectrum. Change my habits, but work on just one at a time, one week at a time. And that was it. I decided to set just one exercise and one health goal each week.

The most detrimental habit for me always seems to be sugar. The minute I have some, I want more, and it changes the way I eat the whole day. I knew I couldn't just swear off sugar forever. That seemed completely unrealistic and frankly, made me feel a bit depressed. I needed this goal to have strict rules. So week 1 became "no desserts" with a few qualifiers. I was allowed a small amount of dark chocolate at home after dinner if I really wanted it and I could have one dessert a week. No processed sugar foods or drinks (I still let myself have my tea with honey, all natural granola, and breads with HFCS in it). That may seem like a lot of disclaimers to you, but I also knew if my rules were too limiting, I was inevitably setting myself up for failure. I wanted to change my habits gradually so it didn't feel so jarring and I wouldn't rebel against it.

But if I was allowed one dessert a week, by proxy if I made it to Saturday, my dessert was more like a reward and less like a moment of weakness. I suddenly realized if I was only going to have one dessert a week, it had better be special. No reaching for a Snickers bar out of desperation. I started researching recipes online until I had a moment of genius...google the recipe of my favorite cake, Spring Fling, which is made by this little Denver bakery. It's a white cake make with zucchini and covered with a cream cheese frosting and glazed fresh fruit. I love the internet. And cream cheese. And glazed fruit.



I spent a ridiculous amount of time of my Saturday on this project, buying the ingredients and making and assembling this thing. But it was so fun. Usually I enjoy baking but feel a little guilty that it will be sitting around the house. Not this time. The gorgeous confection was just as delicious as I'd hoped and over 3/4 of it are still sitting in my fridge.

The fate of the rest of the cake? Dessert tonight for a dinner party I'm throwing (I won't be partaking), a little leftovers in the fridge for Kyle, and the rest frozen into individually wrapped servings for me to enjoy for the next few Saturdays.

Week 1
Exercise Goal: Work out 4 times for at least 30 minutes each time
Health Goal: Only one dessert for the week

Week 2
Exercise Goal: Work out 4 times for at least 30 minutes each time
Health Goal: Only one dessert for the week, drink at least 80 oz of water a day + 8 oz for every 10 minutes of physical activity

Bolder Endurance

For months I've been trying to get back into some semblance of decent shape. The true culmination of these winter and spring efforts always seems to be the BolderBoulder 10K, and this year was no exception.

Having this goal gave me a reason to get out of bed at 5:30 in the morning. Instead of sleepily thinking, "ugh, I don't want to work out," I would have a small sense of fear...I didn't want to let myself down. I'd signed up for the BolderBoulder and I didn't want to disappoint myself by not being ready.

As the day drew nearer, I realized that although I'd been working out about 6 days a week, my workouts were shockingly lacking in the running category. I just didn't feel like running...except when I had commitments to run with a friend.

My goal went from improving my time from last year to just running the whole thing without walking. Last year I was running 4 times a week for about six weeks before the race. This year I was cross training, running once a week at best.

Just a few days before the race, I could feel my immune system getting weaker. My memorial day weekend festivities did nothing to help the cold I could feel developing.

Race Day
I woke up feeling achey and stuffy headed. I hadn't slept well. I didn't enjoy getting up at 5:30. I vaguely thought about sunscreen but was too tired to care, and figured with our 7:45 start time, we'd be out of the heat and intensity of the sun fairly early. By 6:30 4 of us (Kyle, Kerry, Andrea, me) were piled in my car on our way up to Boulder. We hit some traffic on the way up, but nothing I didn't anticipate. We got to the park'n'ride not long after I'd expected. The bus left for the starting line with 45 minutes to go until our start time. The longest this ride had ever taken was 40 minutes. I knew it was cutting it a little close, but I wasn't too worried.

After we'd been on the bus for over an hour driving through busy traffic in a construction zone, it seemed like we were barely moving. We'd definitely missed our start time. I knew we'd be allowed to start in later waves, but I didn't want to sit on the bus and wait while it got hotter and hotter out. The four of us made a decision to get off and walk the 1.5 miles left to the start line. Just the walking was making me fatigued, and I hoped that my cold didn't get worse once I started running.

There were people everywhere. By the time we go to the start we were funneled in to a line of thousands and my adrenaline had kicked in. I didn't feel sick. I felt amazing. The gun went off and my friends took off. I kept it at an easy pace. I needed to keep up a run that I could maintain until the end.

As I wove my way through the first of the 6.2 miles, I remembered why I'd wanted to be in an earlier wave: it was getting hot out and people in this later wave were already stopping an walking. And I'm not judging. I think it's great that people do a 10K, no matter how they do it. But when you're constantly weaving around people just to keep up your pace because you come across solid walls of walkers, it gets a little tedious. I'd like to write a BolderBoulder etiquette manual. Walkers on one side, runners on the other. Even with all the dodging, though, every time I'd crest a hill, I'd feel excitement at how many people were running...50,000+

The first three miles seemed the hardest. Bands were playing, people where cheering along the way, spurring me on. Running through the neighborhoods always brought the added delight of slip-n-slides, baked goods, marshmallows being thrown, beer (as long as you had an ID), and water stations. Oh, and I can't forget the costumes. Despite the fact that the sun was beating down mercilessly, I saw 4 teenage mutant ninja turtles walking together, Thing 2 and Thing 3, people with felt dinosaur spikes sewn to their shirts, and a team all painted in green body paint.

After those first three miles, I began to wonder if I could really do this...keep running without walking. My cold seemed to have disappeared, but I was tired. My feet felt good, though, and I didn't have a cramp in sight. As I passed mile four, I summited the course high point. Running down that hill was a dream. Mile 5 seemed effortless (and I found out later was my second fastest mile) and mile 6...ugh mile 6. You turn the corner to run up Folsom, the street that leads to the stadium. Once you're on this road, you know it's all strait ahead. Just 2 more kilometers to go, you think. But you know what's at the end. The hill that rises up to put the football stadium at a pinnacle looking over the city. Runners bottleneck and you run on your toes to get up the hill. You're practically shoved into the stadium and you realize you're really there.

Slowly my speed increased. As I did the lap around the stadium, I reached out to high-five the outstretched hands of strangers. My speed had come to a full sprint as I rounded the corner and annihilated the finish line. I'd done it. I'd run the whole race without walking. And, as I found out later, I'd come in only 7 seconds behind Kerry, who'd taken off like a shot in the first mile.

My Results
Mile 1: 10:42
Mile 2: 11:27
Mile 3: 12:02
Mile 4: 11:46
Mile 5: 11:19
MIle 6: 11:56
Total Time: 1:11:27

My total time last year was 66 minutes. Yes, of course I'm a little disappointed that I wasn't able to implement the training necessary to do as good as last year. However, I'm also proud of the race I did run. I ran under 12 minute miles (I was training at about 12.5), I ran the whole way, and I did it with fairly consistent splits without any method of monitoring my speed (just my own internal rhythm). If that doesn't sound like a marathon runner...

The Aftereffects
Yes I badly sunburned my shoulders.

About two hours after I'd finished a fatigue set in so great that I knew my cold had not really left. I spend the next two days working only half days at work and spending the rest of the time in bed getting sleep and begging my cold to go away.

The biggest surprise? I'm not really sore at all. My ankles are still a little tired, but I'm putting it down to cross-training. Working out 6 days a week still means something :)

I need goals!

Why am I working out? Why am I trying to eat better? Turns out there are a lot of answers to these questions. For my overall health, to get into shape to do more activities this summer, to lose weight, to feel better throughout the day...I could go on. Sometimes, though, I feel like these goals are great, but they aren't concrete enough. For myself, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, it's especially important to have fitness goals. I need to understand why I'm doing something in order to understand if it's even the right goal.

My first goal this season was to get in shape to run the BolderBoulder, a 10K run on Memorial Day. I feel ready for this run, although I might not have quite as fast of a time as I'd hope (I was hoping to beat last year's time of 66 minutes). I've modified my goal to complete the entire race at a running/jogging pace. No walking! Click to check out pictures of me running this two years ago.

That was the first goal, but the other, much more daunting goals, are hiking 14ers this summer. I did this last summer and it is...amazing. Hard, yes. You're hiking 6-12 hours in one day and for a chunk of that time you're over 13,000 feet above sea level. There is just something different about that elevation. Dizzyness, lightheaded, headaches...this can all happen if you're not prepared (and sometimes even if you are). My co-worker has planned 4 of these hikes this summer and I'd like to go on all of them. So...that's a goal.

But I'm not really telling you the whole story. The third of these hikes is actually a week-long trip in August with 5 days of solid hiking during which we'll climb 3 14ers. Yes, 3. And 5 days of hiking. The type of shape that I need to be in to accomplish a hike like this...boggles my mind. But I really wanted to do it.

I started thinking about how rigorous my workout regimen needed to become in order to be ready. I'd be doing intensive training...and a lot of it. What else is something people train intensively for? I can think of a few things, but one of the most obvious answers came to me with a surge of excitement (which may have actually been insanity): a marathon. How do I get in shape to do these hikes? I start training for a marathon at the same time. Yes, I'm nervous. But I'm not more nervous about the marathon than 5 days of hiking.

So I started looking for marathons. I didn't want to do one in the summer because of my extreme sensitivity to heat (we're talking about someone who's fainted from heat exhaustion twice...and not while working out...the heat just isn't kind to my sensitive system) so it seemed like perfection when I learned that Denver is joining the Rock'n'Roll marathon series this year for the October Denver Marathon. October. Yes! October is perfect for running 5+ hours. And it comes about 1 month after the last 14er hike, so have something to keep me motivated until then at least.

I had my marathon. Now I needed a plan. I went online and found a few marathon training plans. I read. I anticipate reading more. But most of the plans I found outlined a 16 week schedule, which would mean my training would start the last week of June. Perfect. I've done all my pre-training getting ready for the BolderBoulder. That gives me another month to switch some of my cardio more towards running!

Having this as my goal is making me feel inspired again. I want to run the marathon for the sense of accomplishment, because it will help me accomplish other fitness goals. Now suddenly even my eating is more involved. The better I eat, the better I'm preparing my body, fueling it properly. Shedding off some weight to make the running and hiking easier on my body.

So, my question to you: what is your goal? I doubt it's a marathon. I'm crazy. But think about it. Finishing a race imbues me with a huge sense of accomplishment (no matter how long or short). So does hiking a mountain. What feels like an accomplishment to you?

We all fall off the wagon...

Update
First of all, I want to assure you that I have no intention of quitting this blog, that I have not given up on it, that I have not decided a quest for a healthy and balanced life is moronic.

That having been said, please be patient with me. This journey is still new to me and writing about it even newer. A couple months ago I became slammed with work (hey it happens to us all). I was getting up at the crack of dawn, no longer to work out, but to get in early to work on a project. I barely had time to think about food and when hunger pains got to be too much, I’d just throw whatever was convenient in my mouth.

NOT the way I would have liked to handle the situation. But that’s part of this journey. I don’t yet know how to handle (healthily) a situation like that when it comes to food and exercise. I haven’t figured out that part of the equation.

I think the worst part of this whole chaos…getting work back to a comfortable rhythm and still being unable to get back into the good habits I’d so desperately tried to build. I wasn’t working out every day (I was lucky if I was doing it three times a week) and fruits and vegetables? I don’t think I’ve seen so much processed food touch my lips in a long time.

I’d try to be good and focused, but by the time mid-day rolled around, I was grabbing what ever I wanted, and because I’d already failed myself for the day, I thought, eh, might as well just call the day a wash. I can’t tell you how many wash days I had. I’m ashamed.

Some of you may feel I’m being too hard on myself, or think, no, just because you took a wrong turn during the day does not mean you have to go off the deep end. And you would be right. I know it doesn’t have to be like that. I know it in my rational mind. But we’re talking about someone who loves food. Who’s used food as a crutch in her life. Who actually bounces up and down with glee the moment before she takes a bite of ice cream. I’m a very excitable person and it’s going to take a lot of effort, research, thought, and trial and error to reach that moment where I can find a balance.

So no, I’m not giving up. I’m trying to accept that I’m human and that it happens to the best of us. What I don’t want is to continue down a shame spiral so deep that by the time I come out of it, I’ve sunk much farther than when I started. So this is me…forgiving myself. It’s okay that you’re not perfect. I just want to try to do my best.

Goal for the week: Quit Caffeine
So, going back to my goals. I’ve managed to knock some sense into me (with the help of a few very dear friends) and am back to working out almost every day and eating healthier (most days). I know this is a mountain and I can’t conquer it all at once.

So, my step this week is to quit caffeine. I’ve done this numerous times before and usually get re-addicted when work gets hectic. However, I hate being a caffeine addict. Many of you out there may not have the same feelings. You may love caffeine. And in a way, of course I do. But mostly I hate it. I hate that I have to have this drug every day or else I’ll feel groggy, lethargic, and eventually headache-y. I wake up in the mornings and it is exponentially harder to get up if I’m an addict. If I drink it for long enough, I usually develop insomnia. If I’m drinking sugary caffeine I get a sugar crash. If I’m drinking artificial sweetener caffeine, I crave sugar more because my body doesn’t like being tricked like that. I could go on, but a wonderful friend of mine (who is also a personal trainer) has a lot more (and much more well-informed I might add) to say on the topic and advice on how to quit.

Heifers, The Snack Place, and Proof at Last

Don't Keep it to Yourself
I feel like such a heifer. I had two bowls of Special K, 3 pieces of turkey bacon, a handful of popcorn, 5 peanut butter M&M's and like 3 pieces of licorice.

This immortal quote (spoken so eloquently by Alicia Silverstone as Cher in Clueless) has stayed with me through the years for it's brilliant poignancy. You may laugh and think I'm joking (and I might be just a little), but for the most part I'm serious. What is so special about this quote, about this moment captured in cinema?

How many of you have every downloaded your calories, your meals, your health to a close confidant? In a gush of shame word vomit, we spew the horrors of what we just ate onto another person in an attempt to dispel some of our guilt. We like to communicate our frustrations, we want consolation, we want to get encouragement to do better.

Update on My Progress
Where I last left off I was trying to escape the claws of sugar addiction and had started down a new path: eating protein with breakfast (in an attempt to curb cravings throughout the day) and keep a food journal. I'm not successful every day, but I'm working on it and getting better. And in a way this blog is the ultimate food journal. I get to take my simple daily observations and try to find patterns in my health and fitness.

The food journal is, I think, the most revolutionary part of a health and fitness plan. Because no matter what you choose to do, it's important to listen to what your body is telling you. We're all different and I've found it so helpful to write about it.

Today I ate healthy for the entire day. I made smart choices and felt positive all day. Many fruits and vegetables passed these lips. Some days I try to eat healthy and I end up feeling depressed, as though I was depriving myself. I tried very hard not to let that happen today. Everything I ate was tasty and delicious. It defeats the purpose if I don't enjoy what I'm eating. I know one day does not a global change make, but I can't tell you how long it's been since I've had a day that was this food savvy.

The biggest key to today? Not letting myself get too hungry. I found an interesting nugget in my sugar detox book that I'd like to share...it makes perfect sense. When we get hungry and our serotonin levels are low, we lose impulse control (well some of us). Have you ever eaten something and truly felt like you we're in control of the situation? You're in a daze and suddenly eating (and you don't care how unhealthy it is) takes over. Not everyone understands this, but I know some of you out there suffer from this problem. It's best to get something in your belly before you get to that point. As my co-workers say, don't go to the snack place. It's a dark place.

The Proof is in the Skiing
I'd like to leave you with something that inspired me, proof of a some true success, no matter how small. I've found that if I have evidence of my success, it helps keep me motivated. No, it hasn't been on the scale.

For two months now I've been working out 5-7 days a week. At the beginning of this year, I went skiing for the first time of the season with my friend Shaw. He, unlike me, has been skiing most of his life and it comes very easily to him. He's fast. I, on the other hand, am a much more cautious skier. I don't like barreling down the slope as fast as I can because 1) I have no control of what's going on at that speed and 2) I actually enjoy making turns. I love turns. I love the challenge of skiing with turns. However, as you might imagine, this slower pace tends to require more muscle control. I remember with perfect clarity this first ski trip of the year. Shaw'd ski on ahead and wait for me. When I'd catch up, he'd be ready to go...I'd shake my head in despair, my breathing labored, my tongue practically hanging out. My thighs felt like they were on fire. By the end of the half day, I was exhausted and practically comatose.

Fast forward to last weekend. Shaw and I took another trip up to the mountains for a half day of skiing and on not ONE of my runs down the mountain did I have to stop. Not one. And I barely felt the burn in my thighs. Well I could at least power through it. And at the end of the day as I packed all my gear back into my Forester, I felt a little glow in my heart. Joy, pride, accomplishment. The first hour of our ride home I chatted Shaw's ear off, riding the wave of my endorphin high.

The Universe Wants Me to Write

I know, I know you've been waiting with bated breath, waiting to find out how my week of adding fruits and veggies went. No, no, don't deny it. I saw you there, sitting on the edge of your seat. The answer? Good and bad.

Good: Eating these lovelies with every meal means you have less room for the unhealthy stuff and in general after a meal with fruits/veggies, I felt better. It also made me more conscious of my food choices and realize how many meals I just don't include something like this without even realizing it. If you'd asked me a week ago, I would have said I was getting my 3-5 servings a day no problem. Wrong! And I maintain my prediction from last week: it is definitely easier to add something to a meal than to subtract.

Bad: There wasn't really anything bad about eating the fruits and vegetables themselves, but something is still wrong. Because I'm a writer and enjoy being organized, I kept a food journal last week to track my progress. I've found writing about something helps me understand it better. Last Wednesday, for reasons I didn't understand at the time, I inexplicably became depressed. It was in the evening, right after playing racquetball, and suddenly it hit me. Crippling and overwhelming. I couldn't make simple decisions. Nothing felt right. I woke up the next morning feeling more of the same. I had no energy or motivation.

Because I know how much food affects me (I like to joke that I'm just naturally sensitive...to food, caffeine, alcohol, the sun...you name it, I seem to have stronger reactions than most people), I looked back through my food journal and saw it there. It could have been writing in glittering letters. It seemed so obvious. Wednesday afternoon, sugar binge.

Why is sugar eating so hard to control? I know most people reading this fall into two major camps, those that think, "It's not...you just stop eating sugar," and the others, like me, who think, "I have no idea, but it is, it really is." Eating bad food is like a compulsion. If I get really hungry, it's like someone has stripped away all reason. You just can't make rational decisions any more.

Life is funny sometimes. We seek out ways to understand the world around us. I was feeling frustrated by the pull sugar had over me and absentmindedly looking at my mom's many books on nutrition (because she, like me, likes to read about nutrition to find motivation) as I sorted my laundry. They just happened to be at my eye level and I noticed a book called The Sugar Addict's Total Recovery Program. Of course I pulled it right off the shelf. And I've been reading it. Mostly this weekend. Although my critical mind is wary of "programs" to follow, I also know that sugar detox is in my future.

When I was a vegan a few years ago, I learned that detox is a great way to get cravings out of your system. You don't have to give up sugar forever. That isn't the point. The point is to retrain your body to have better habits and in the process eliminate your cravings.

So I started viewing this book as a method to follow for my sugar detox. Because I can't quit cold turkey. I've tried, and I just can't seem to last more than a couple days. And I never could figure out why that was. Other people I know seemed to have much more success, where I would be left feeling like an addict, unable to give it up.

My favorite nugget that stood out in the book: people with low serotonin levels tend to feel depressed and helpless, and often sugar addicts have naturally low serotonin levels. Often these people are prescribed anti-depressants, but in many cases these levels can be fixed with food. Never having been a fan of taking medication, I liked the idea of changing my outlook with food. I don't want you to get the impression that I'm a depressed person. I'm generally very happy. But I'll have moments throughout my day where the food I eat changes my mood (ups and downs) so drastically, and I don't like the roller coaster.

So, my ultimate goal is to detox from sugar. I'm glad that what I've been reading recognizes how hard this is.

The First Step: eat protein with breakfast.
Sound's simple. Why? The ultimate goal is to eat protein with every meal, but to start the habit with breakfast. Many of us don't eat breakfast right away in the morning, and it helps to have the protein right away. It gives you energy and provides you with the amino acid tryptophan, which, once it crosses the blood-brain barrier, your brain uses to manufacture...serotonin.

There are more (simple) steps involved later in the process to help your brain with this manufacturing process, but it starts with getting the protein into your body in the first place. What encourages me about this plan is that it also wants you to eat complex carbohydrates and fruits and vegetables. It is NOT a high protein diet. When you get to the stage of eating protein with every meal, you're eating about half your body weight in grams of protein (aka if you weigh 150, you'd eat 75 grams of protein a day). This is about 20 grams more than the recommended amount. Because I've read so much about adverse affects of getting too much protein, I'm not going to go overboard. I want to listen to my body as I come to that threshold, which brings me to the best part about this plan, which is the next step...

The Second Step: Keeping a journal
That's right, I'm being encouraged to keep a food journal. This is my favorite part about this plan. She's actively encouraging you to think for yourself and pay attention to your body. And this is also a step I personally should have no problem with.

In these early stages, she doesn't have you cut out sugar. She recommends that if you were planning on having a candy bar, you can have it, but try having it with your meal instead of a snack later. As a sugar addict, I still want to give it up. But I don't want to set myself up to fail.

Goals this Week: keep eating 3-5 servings of fruits and veggies a day, eat breakfast (which will include protein) within an hour of getting up, and keep a food journal. Oh, and keep working out of course! This is such an energy and mood elevator.

Okay, feedback? Thoughts? Until next week :)

Working out isn't enough

This year I want to get back in to shape, better shape than I've been before. The BolderBoulder, 14er hikes, a week long 3 mountain 14er hike extravaganza, skiing. These are all things I want to get in to better shape for. I had a list of resolutions that I was going to stick to. Of course, after my first day, I realized it was ridiculous to expect me to change all my bad habits in one day. I've been told that this is a problem of mine, that I set my expectations too high, that I expect too much of myself and then I, ultimately, fail.

So, I tried a different trick. How about just "more working out" and "quit caffeine" for starters. I knew on the one hand that these two would be most likely the easiest of my goals to achieve because I'd done both of them before successfully. And what do you know. After a month, I'd quit caffeine and was working out 6 days a week. The quitting caffeine hasn't been enormously successful, but I'm not a super addict.

I don't want anyone to get me wrong (which you might do as I go further into this): I am incredibly proud of working out pretty much every day. Not only is this a major accomplishment, but I feel so much better about myself when I do it. It's completely changed my attitude about a lot of things, especially those aspects of my life that had been more difficult.

What really kicked my ass in to gear about the working out was when I stepped on the scale and realized that if I was going to be in the shape I wanted for this summer, I would really have to change. I'd gained 10 pounds in the last six months. I couldn't handle that. I'd gotten pretty good at maintaining my weight. Granted, it was a weight that I didn't exactly want to stay at, but I certainly was okay with it. I worked hard to stay there, but I was there.

Then suddenly my whole routine changed. I broke my jaw. I went to Italy for 2 weeks. I fell in love. Although these were mostly good events, breaking my jaw threw everything off. And change in general has made it hard to stick to good habits. I don't want to begin to describe the wonderful foods I ate in Italy. And I don't regret for one minute those foods. And I'm happy I feel in love. I'm happy with that aspect of my life, but being in love for me also means that I seem to care less about what I eat.

So here I am. I've been working out wonderfully for a month and when I stepped on the scale a couple days ago...I'd gained 1.5 pounds. I knew I'd been eating more...the working out had increased my appetite like crazy, but I'd been hoping that just listening to my body and my cravings with my new regimen would put me at weight maintenance. Not so.

Let me tell you friends, it is so incredibly frustrating stepping on the scale seeing the numbers go up after working out that hard. But I knew the main problem. It was a problem that I was hoping to ignore. But now it seems like I'm going to have to face it. Food. My major downfall.

Food has always been the hardest part for me to master. I love food and I have some bad habits when it comes to this. I know a lot about food. I love reading about it, learning about it, often very healthy habits. I know what foods are bad and what foods are good. But that's just a first step. It doesn't really tell me: okay Dana, now that you know what to eat, here's this weeks list of groceries and recipes. Knowing the theory doesn't always make it easy to execute.

Not that this is a good excuse, but I'm also a notoriously discriminating eater. I'm avoiding the word picky here because it doesn't quite paint the right picture. I like most foods, I'm just particular about how they're prepared. For example: I can't stand raw celery stalks (even with peanut butter)...biting in to them makes me gag (a combination of the texture and the flavor). But chop it up and put it in chicken salad (or something similar) and I'd swear up and down that celery is genius. I also love very flavorful foods...vinegar...spice...salt...sugar of course.

And I know one of the rules of successful healthy eaters is that you still have to enjoy what you're eating. If you're unhappy with food, you're doomed to fail. What else do I know? Superfoods! White sugars/breads/pastas are bad (eat yummy whole grains)! Eat fresh fruits and veggies! Combine your food groups in meals! Shall I go on? Because I can. Most of what I learn now about food isn't revolutionary. Many things I learn now are just good little tidbits to tuck aside.

But how do I execute this? One baby step at a time, like I did with the exercise? Yes that was my thought too. Okay, I said. Time to cut out sugar next. In retrospect, it might have been better to start with something else, or to try limiting sugar first (I know, by the way, that I will never completely give up sugar. I'm not deluding myself about this. I also know that my body needs to be detoxed from this processed punk in order to get rid of these pesky cravings). So that didn't work. Every day I'm bombarded with sugar. Through my own doings but also in my work environment. What is it about free food that we just can't turn down? Try. I am. I am trying.

So here's where I'm at. Utterly frustrated. I do not want to keep busting my butt working out only to see those numbers go up on the scale. If those numbers go up, I'm not getting in to the shape that this summer and my life desires. Getting rid of some of this body fat is just what should happen for a girl that's fit, that wants tackle some hard core climbs. And I do. I love being active, and I hate feeling hindered by my own body, by limitations I can control.

But food is still a problem. It is the problem I have to change. Not just temporarily, but permanently. I'm not looking for an eating disorder (so not my style), or Atkins or South Beach (don't get me started on ketosis) or any other fad diet, or veganism (although it was wonderful the first time, I can't live like that forever...I'm still considering it as a future detox now and then though). That just won't do the trick. But if I'm not sticking with a plan (that's often what fad diets give you), it's harder to know what to do, what to eat.

So I'm still frustrated. But at least I know it. At least I'm trying to figure it out. I'm not giving up. And tomorrow is a new day. So what should tomorrow be? What should that goal be? Okay...thinking...starting small...what can I realistically do?

Okay, tomorrow start's a new habit (one that I'm much better at during the week than on weekends): fruits and or veggies with every meal. Every meal. Mmm! Stay tuned to see how I do...